i understand that no one reads my blog, like at all. so i guess i feel relatively safe to ramble on about stupid things that i shouldn't think about.

lately, i have been looking at quite a bit of thinspo (which is what anorexic girls look at to feel like they have something to look forward to, usually pictures of deeply indented hips and prominent collar bones, sometimes i see photos of girls with protruding ribs. of course, those aren't pictures I like or anything, mostly i just see photos of healthy happy looking girls. and sometimes, if they have a similar body shape to me, i save them. i dont even know why i do it to myself.

I have been on a diet now for four months. I have been on an exercise regiment for four months as well. I have been trying at least 10x more than i was when i wasnt dieting or exercising and i havent lost ANY weight. it is very discouraging.

Now I am reading an article written by a man on why other men should only date skinny girls. It is very disheartening for a human being to think so highly of themselves and try to get other men to join in this shun of the fat chicks. Here's an excerpt;

If I women is fat it means she is out of balance. She can not control herself in some way or another. She will not be able to keep your life in balance and harmony. This is not good for marriage. A skinny girl on the other hand is more humble and can restrict herself more than heavy one. Skinny girls in my experience are nicer people. This is my personal experience. I have traveled and lived a lot and fat girls tend to be bossy and controlling and argumentative. A thin girl is usually more interesting and for my a lot more attractive. People say generally they are more sensual, and being fit is just healthy. These are some of the reasons skinny girls are desirable and stop listening to western feminist influenced media. Go for what you really want in life.

I believe the person who wrote this to probably be a Buddhist. They're very into balance and control. Being that my boyfriend is a Buddhist, I'd say my assumption is pretty spot on. Being that my boyfriend told me that he would like if I were thin, I'd say that that is exactly what that man is. I have really good balance, I was a cheerleader for 2 years. I am quite able to control myself as well. I don't gorge myself on food, I don't even worship food. I am fat on accident and now that I am trying to correct it, it seems I am unable. Fat girls are more humble, in my opinion, we are too self conscious with too low of self esteem in most cases, most of us do not think highly of ourselves at all. Also, being a fat girl, and a former thin girl, I think I have many amazing qualities. I am definitely not bossy, nor am I controlling. And skinny girls can be clinically obese, and rib bones and collar bones shouldn't give dudes boners. Western Culture doesn't ever say to be fat, quite opposite, we are constantly bombarded with diet pills, bikini bodies, anorexic models adorn our fashion. I don't know what other people in the world really think of us, but apparently they have the wrong idea. Every person is different. Thin girls and fat girls can both have the same bad qualities (she's bossy or controlling, she doesn't take too much care of her appearance, she eats too much) just as much as the good qualities (she's so sweet, she is humble, she makes sure that she looks good for you when you come home, etc).


I hate this.

here's the link to the douchebag's article.
I wasn't sure where I was going with this blog at all.